truth be told
I have never had a happy childhood.
not in my memories or vague impression at least
My childhood memories are blighted by the constant pressure to perform to be the top few in my classes
Failure to reach 45/50 or 90 and above constitutes a failure
And that means suffering of the body.
School holidays are never really holidays
Not in my opinion at least
I have to always prepare for the next year
Watching cartoons and playing computer games are much like a taboo
Suicide was once on my mind
It was that close
Academic aside
I have never really remembered happy moments in my childhood
Not that my parents are wayward
But there seems to be a lot of disagreements between my parents, my siblings
Which often ended up in a not a pretty state
Shoutings,cryings,locking up in rooms are quite common, just to name a few
Never really felt pampered before as a kid
Dunno whether is this a good or bad thing
Family aside
When i grew up
I gradually began to understand the roots of these disagreements
Which i shan't say
But is pretty lousy a reason in my opinion
Those dramas you watched on tv
Which you think are all fake
Actually do happen in reality
And it happened to mine.
Sucks
What to do
I was never really involved in such disagreements
But i actually came out one of the worst victims I would say
I once snapped somewhere this mid year
It is really hard to tolerate all these arguments
Why can't we just be happy
Especially since a joyous occasion is coming
Ironically
The joyous occasion is the root of the disagreement
WTF
Is it so hard to plan and execute it really?
I dun understand it
Maybe i never will
There are a thousand and one reasons to start an argument all over
I have survivied somehow for 21 years and going
I think i still have what it takes to carry on
I really love my family
My parents especially
My mind is treading on a thin line
Hope it dun snap anytime soon.